What is mom strong? In modern feminism today (2019) that can mean a wide range of things. But for the everyday, average mother what does that mean to her? Does it mean:
Lets look at some definitions of Motherhood:
#1 Definition: Mother (By Urban Dictionary)
The only woman in the world who will still cradle you in her arms even if you've stabbed her loving heart each time you've hung up her calls, thrown away her delicious food just because your friends thought Subway was cool; got a red-ink stained progress report; told her to go away in the presence of your apparently 'cool' friends, ignored her for telling you to do your school work before play; taking juvenile revenge on her for only protecting you from the seemingly harmless evils in the world around you.
And still say she loves you and you will always be her child, no matter what.
It's not just the placenta that forms a bond between a mother and a child.
It's the mother herself who loves her child unconditionally.
#2 Definition: Mother (Websters Dictionary)
1a: a female parentShe's the mother of three small children.
b(1): a woman in authorityspecifically : the superior of a religious community of womenMother Teresa
(2): an old or elderly womanMother Hubbard...................
1a: of, relating to, or being a mother
b: bearing the relation of a mother
2: derived from or as if from one's mother
3: acting as or providing parental stock --used without reference to sex
...........
1a: a female parentShe's the mother of three small children.
b(1): a woman in authorityspecifically : the superior of a religious community of womenMother Teresa
(2): an old or elderly womanMother Hubbard
So how do these definitions compare to the ones we believe, and how do they stack up against ones we have been conditioned to think is the one true definition?
Whether you fit one or all of the bullets listed above, every family has their own unique modern dynamic. So how can we in this modern day of 2019 compare ourselves to each other? In our journey to build and find our village we usually filter through the people we meet by face value comparisons. Stacking up self esteem points for yourself based on where we think us or mothers we know land on the scale is not fair or healthy for our village.
I say "our village" because mothers exist in many forms across cultures across the world. Motherhood was always meant to exist within a community of elders, and for those who may have challenging family dynamics where it is not healthy to include their biological family in the picture, they rely on "our village" even more.
The journey of motherhood begins differently for all of us. Sometimes it is planned, and sometimes it is not. Whether or not a motherhood feels capable before or after she begins her journey, our childhood's can sometimes create another layer of challenges for us that is different than what may be perceived as post partum depression. This is one of the many reasons why we need to go deeper than judging a mother at face value, or after a 5 minute casual conversation.
The pressure to communicate with each other well, and the exhaustion that can accompany motherhood can lead moms to feel like they just arent up to "the task" of conversation today. Breaking the ice with a hello, and how are you, and simple "get-to-know-you" icebreakers can make this process a whole lot easier on all moms.
Motherhood makes you strong despite the number of challenges you face before or after your children are born and all moms are on their own path. Sometimes we are cruising down the highway, and other times we are stuck in traffic, but if we work together to guide each other on the map through friendly conversation, we can all get that much closer to our destination. The one thing all moms have in common, is motherhood, and although it may be easier to relate to some moms more than others, our job is not to worry about that.
When we open our hearts and minds in conversation with other moms regardless of the number of commonalities. Marketing ads, and even our own upbringings have given us pre-concieved notions of motherhood, that can sometimes cause us to be quick to place someone under a label without really getting to know them. Of course, it is extremly important to excercise caution when welcoming someone new into our circle of trust, but there are great ways to do that correctly. To begin this process eliminate all marketing ads you have seen on social media platforms about what a "perfect mom" looks like. Although it is good to follow people who inspire you, do not let any public figure allow you to feel defeated, or "not enough".
When we are all pretending we have it together we are unintentionally isolating ourselves from potentially great new relationships for our children and or just ourselves. Nomom always has it all together, and when we isolate ourselves from our potential village we increase the likelihood of us struggling feeling over-whelmed and under appreciated.
I noticed when reading posts in feeds from facebook groups I was apart of the majority of the women reaching out about their challenging feelings about motherhood alot of the key words were about post partum depression. Although this article does not focus on that subject as the key point, here are some great resources to get you connected locally and nationally with help if you, or someone you know has intrusive thoughts or challenging feelings. These are NORMAL post partum, and nothing to be ashamed of. Regardless of the childhood you have had, these feelings can present themselves at any time for any reason.
Yes moms can overcome anything, and some have with little support, but it is not the ideal way nor has that ever been a healthy way for a communityof moms to fucntion. So let's work on building "our village" locally and abroad. There are abundant resources when we work together.I meet so many mom's who are feeling isolated in their situations, and thank fully there is help
How to increase your community?
1. Donate or sell your items to other moms or organisations that support new moms and families of multiples.
2. Offer date night babysitting or respite care to a mom you know
3. Volunteer at an event that supports moms who are entrepreneurs
4. Attend mom events that are education related such as support groups, play dates, play groups etc.
5. Offer to use your home to host a moms night in party or playdate for moms you have gotten to know
6. Join social media groups that are dedicated to strengthening moms and families through sharing of educational resources.
7. Get out in the community, you can still meet great moms at the park like the good ol days
8. Check out government and charitable organisations in your area or online that provide support or education resources for families of different dynamics.
9. Be honest, be real. Let people get to know all of you, and be okay with the phase of meeting mom friends not be one that is similar to an audition. You dont need to act, or pretend to be perfect or famous. The right moms for you will stay.
10. Seek out family counselling, and family mental health classes and programs whether or not you feel you are in a state of crisis, mental health is just as much about prevention and maintenance. You are not weak if you seek help, strong moms know that seeking professional support is something to be proud of, and you will be better off for it. You don't need a particular incident in or outside of the home to spark this move.
Globally and locally- dont just draw from your neighborhood or regular stomping grounds, become a more new person. Start trying new activities and cultures, ways of living. Your kids are better off for it.
11. Sign your children up for activities that increase their physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual literacy. This is a great way to teach your kids new things, and allows for opportunities to mingle with other parents. Most dance, gymnastics, and sport studies offer subsidies on a sliding scale for low income families or know of free resources in your area if you just ask.
12. Sign up for mom's night out activities, even if you don't know anyone who is attending, this is where many moms have made lasting friendships, or just experienced great me time.
13. Take a fitness or dance class that is specifically for mommy and me or just moms. This can be a place where you can share your struggles and have fun while putting your energy into something productive and positive.
14. Get a new hobby, or re start an old one. The more you relax, and maintain your own identitiy the less under appreciated you will feel.There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, and once again the more healthy you are your kids will be too.
15. Remove toxic friendships, hobbies, and other lifestyle choices that may be holding you back from new friends feeling comfortable with you. Sometimes little habits, or small problems are creating barriers between where you currently are, and where you want to be in your path to motherhood.
16. Give yourself time, and set realistic expectations for yourself when meeting new people, and trying new things.
17. Ask for help when you really need it, the systems that were or are being created were made so that #OurVillage could become stronger. Everything in life is temporal and as you grow in motherhood, your challenges and strengths will change. No one knows everything, and sometimes its a small piece of counsel that makes a big difference!
If you are parenting a child, and identify as a mother, than guess what? You ARE #MomStrong!
Organisations that provide FREE Support/ Emergency Services:
DDSP Services For Families:
http://www.ddsp.ca/parent--child-services.html
To learn more contact us at:
P: 204.894.1075
E: difini.dancecrews@gmail.com or difinitydance@hotmail.com
W: www.ddsp.ca
- Lifting heavy weights at the gym training for some sport like strongman/ crossfit or lifting for health?
- Being a stay-at-home parent part to full time?
- Taking care of one or more children as a single parent?
- Being a stay-at-home mom while you work and go back to school to support your spouse with supplementary income?
- Working a full time job while your child, or children are in the care of a daycare or nanny?
- Running a business as a self-made artisan, instagram influencer, or franchise owner?
- Being a parent to your own and your step children?
- Being a parent to your children when your spouse is absent all together or absent some of the time due to work or business related duties
- A parent who has been widowed?
- A parent to foster and or adopted children?
- A parent with a child who has learning or physical differences?
- A young mom who has decided to keep her baby without any support from her family or her child?
- A mom who has fled an abusive relationship?
- A mom with a disability?
- A mom who may be on social assistance working hard to give a better life for her child?
- A mom who has recently lost a child or infant during pregnancy or post-partum
- A mom who's child has recently incurred a disability or serious medical condition
- A mom who's child has gone missing or has run away
- A mom who's child is fighting addictions, or recovering from one
Lets look at some definitions of Motherhood:
#1 Definition: Mother (By Urban Dictionary)
The only woman in the world who will still cradle you in her arms even if you've stabbed her loving heart each time you've hung up her calls, thrown away her delicious food just because your friends thought Subway was cool; got a red-ink stained progress report; told her to go away in the presence of your apparently 'cool' friends, ignored her for telling you to do your school work before play; taking juvenile revenge on her for only protecting you from the seemingly harmless evils in the world around you.
And still say she loves you and you will always be her child, no matter what.
It's not just the placenta that forms a bond between a mother and a child.
It's the mother herself who loves her child unconditionally.
#2 Definition: Mother (Websters Dictionary)
1a: a female parentShe's the mother of three small children.
b(1): a woman in authorityspecifically : the superior of a religious community of womenMother Teresa
(2): an old or elderly womanMother Hubbard...................
1a: of, relating to, or being a mother
b: bearing the relation of a mother
2: derived from or as if from one's mother
3: acting as or providing parental stock --used without reference to sex
...........
1a: a female parentShe's the mother of three small children.
b(1): a woman in authorityspecifically : the superior of a religious community of womenMother Teresa
(2): an old or elderly womanMother Hubbard
So how do these definitions compare to the ones we believe, and how do they stack up against ones we have been conditioned to think is the one true definition?
Whether you fit one or all of the bullets listed above, every family has their own unique modern dynamic. So how can we in this modern day of 2019 compare ourselves to each other? In our journey to build and find our village we usually filter through the people we meet by face value comparisons. Stacking up self esteem points for yourself based on where we think us or mothers we know land on the scale is not fair or healthy for our village.
I say "our village" because mothers exist in many forms across cultures across the world. Motherhood was always meant to exist within a community of elders, and for those who may have challenging family dynamics where it is not healthy to include their biological family in the picture, they rely on "our village" even more.
The journey of motherhood begins differently for all of us. Sometimes it is planned, and sometimes it is not. Whether or not a motherhood feels capable before or after she begins her journey, our childhood's can sometimes create another layer of challenges for us that is different than what may be perceived as post partum depression. This is one of the many reasons why we need to go deeper than judging a mother at face value, or after a 5 minute casual conversation.
The pressure to communicate with each other well, and the exhaustion that can accompany motherhood can lead moms to feel like they just arent up to "the task" of conversation today. Breaking the ice with a hello, and how are you, and simple "get-to-know-you" icebreakers can make this process a whole lot easier on all moms.
Motherhood makes you strong despite the number of challenges you face before or after your children are born and all moms are on their own path. Sometimes we are cruising down the highway, and other times we are stuck in traffic, but if we work together to guide each other on the map through friendly conversation, we can all get that much closer to our destination. The one thing all moms have in common, is motherhood, and although it may be easier to relate to some moms more than others, our job is not to worry about that.
When we open our hearts and minds in conversation with other moms regardless of the number of commonalities. Marketing ads, and even our own upbringings have given us pre-concieved notions of motherhood, that can sometimes cause us to be quick to place someone under a label without really getting to know them. Of course, it is extremly important to excercise caution when welcoming someone new into our circle of trust, but there are great ways to do that correctly. To begin this process eliminate all marketing ads you have seen on social media platforms about what a "perfect mom" looks like. Although it is good to follow people who inspire you, do not let any public figure allow you to feel defeated, or "not enough".
When we are all pretending we have it together we are unintentionally isolating ourselves from potentially great new relationships for our children and or just ourselves. Nomom always has it all together, and when we isolate ourselves from our potential village we increase the likelihood of us struggling feeling over-whelmed and under appreciated.
I noticed when reading posts in feeds from facebook groups I was apart of the majority of the women reaching out about their challenging feelings about motherhood alot of the key words were about post partum depression. Although this article does not focus on that subject as the key point, here are some great resources to get you connected locally and nationally with help if you, or someone you know has intrusive thoughts or challenging feelings. These are NORMAL post partum, and nothing to be ashamed of. Regardless of the childhood you have had, these feelings can present themselves at any time for any reason.
Yes moms can overcome anything, and some have with little support, but it is not the ideal way nor has that ever been a healthy way for a communityof moms to fucntion. So let's work on building "our village" locally and abroad. There are abundant resources when we work together.I meet so many mom's who are feeling isolated in their situations, and thank fully there is help
How to increase your community?
1. Donate or sell your items to other moms or organisations that support new moms and families of multiples.
2. Offer date night babysitting or respite care to a mom you know
3. Volunteer at an event that supports moms who are entrepreneurs
4. Attend mom events that are education related such as support groups, play dates, play groups etc.
5. Offer to use your home to host a moms night in party or playdate for moms you have gotten to know
6. Join social media groups that are dedicated to strengthening moms and families through sharing of educational resources.
7. Get out in the community, you can still meet great moms at the park like the good ol days
8. Check out government and charitable organisations in your area or online that provide support or education resources for families of different dynamics.
9. Be honest, be real. Let people get to know all of you, and be okay with the phase of meeting mom friends not be one that is similar to an audition. You dont need to act, or pretend to be perfect or famous. The right moms for you will stay.
10. Seek out family counselling, and family mental health classes and programs whether or not you feel you are in a state of crisis, mental health is just as much about prevention and maintenance. You are not weak if you seek help, strong moms know that seeking professional support is something to be proud of, and you will be better off for it. You don't need a particular incident in or outside of the home to spark this move.
Globally and locally- dont just draw from your neighborhood or regular stomping grounds, become a more new person. Start trying new activities and cultures, ways of living. Your kids are better off for it.
11. Sign your children up for activities that increase their physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual literacy. This is a great way to teach your kids new things, and allows for opportunities to mingle with other parents. Most dance, gymnastics, and sport studies offer subsidies on a sliding scale for low income families or know of free resources in your area if you just ask.
12. Sign up for mom's night out activities, even if you don't know anyone who is attending, this is where many moms have made lasting friendships, or just experienced great me time.
13. Take a fitness or dance class that is specifically for mommy and me or just moms. This can be a place where you can share your struggles and have fun while putting your energy into something productive and positive.
14. Get a new hobby, or re start an old one. The more you relax, and maintain your own identitiy the less under appreciated you will feel.There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, and once again the more healthy you are your kids will be too.
15. Remove toxic friendships, hobbies, and other lifestyle choices that may be holding you back from new friends feeling comfortable with you. Sometimes little habits, or small problems are creating barriers between where you currently are, and where you want to be in your path to motherhood.
16. Give yourself time, and set realistic expectations for yourself when meeting new people, and trying new things.
17. Ask for help when you really need it, the systems that were or are being created were made so that #OurVillage could become stronger. Everything in life is temporal and as you grow in motherhood, your challenges and strengths will change. No one knows everything, and sometimes its a small piece of counsel that makes a big difference!
If you are parenting a child, and identify as a mother, than guess what? You ARE #MomStrong!
Organisations that provide FREE Support/ Emergency Services:
- https://youcantspoilababy.org/
- https://willowplaceshelter.ca/
- https://maws.mb.ca/
- https://wcwrc.ca/
- http://winnipegrentnet.ca/help-links/help-emergency.cfm
- http://www.nwtc.cc/Native-Womens-Transition-Centre.html
- https://fgwrc.ca/
- http://www.ikwe.ca/
- http://www.wolseleyfamilyplace.com/
- https://www.wpgboothcentre.ca/
- https://unitedwaywinnipeg.ca/family-resource-centres/
- https://debtsolutions-winnipeg.ca/resources/community-resources/
- https://seedwinnipeg.ca/resources
- http://www.matc.ca/resources.html
- https://www.kidsintheknow.ca/app/en/
- https://www.winnipeg.ca/cms/recreation/leisure/leisureguide.stm
- http://necrc.org/
- https://stamant.ca/programs/leisureguide/
- https://www.gov.mb.ca/healthychild/parentchild/index.html
- https://www.hsmm.ca/wp/
- https://www.gov.mb.ca/healthychild/healthybaby/
- https://www.triplep-parenting.ca/can-en/find-help/triple-p-online/
- http://familydynamics.ca/families/parent-coach-program/
- https://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/eia/rent_assist.html
- http://communities4families.ca/resources-4-agencies/wiggle-giggle-munch-resources/
- http://www.manitobaparentzone.ca/resources/
DDSP Services For Families:
http://www.ddsp.ca/parent--child-services.html
To learn more contact us at:
P: 204.894.1075
E: difini.dancecrews@gmail.com or difinitydance@hotmail.com
W: www.ddsp.ca
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